Amanda's Journey: Her Seeds of Awakening
I was 4 years old when my maternal grandfather, a hard-working farmer, had a massive stroke. They didn't think he was going to survive, yet alone walk again.
Determined, he explored complementary therapies, such as reflexology, to assist his mind and body healing.
SEED: My first experience watching someone heal themselves. I became fascinated with mimicking the therapists and trying to make grandpa feel better.
It was also about the time when I first began to notice I could feel what other's were feeling.
As an only child, my parents decide to divorce and my mother, an educator, gets full custody of me, while my father continues his Naval career.
SEED: Wasn't sure how to emotionally process this. Since my father traveled in the Navy, the family unit would be fractured off and on. I struggled to understand who, or what "tribe", I "belonged" to. Yet, my mother surrounded us with a strong community of wise elders, who always loved to share stories. This would later become a love for genealogy and ancestral healing.
Both parents remarry. My every other weekend visitation with my military father change to once or twice a year, depending on where he was stationed.
SEED: Here is where I start living more in my head versus my body. I struggled to understand what I was feeling... confusion, unworthiness, frustration, uncertainty... not feeling like I could feel or express because I didn't want to disappoint or hurt my parent's feelings. This conflict of emotional turmoil manifested in anxiety, digestive issues, shutting down my own emotions, and a strong need to people please. I continue to battle compromising to please others and my fear of inadequacy (Conscious Connective Coaching and Human Design/Gene Keys helps this!)
Start a new school in a neighboring town, after my mother accepted a new teaching position a few years prior.
SEED: I become an extreme introvert in these new surroundings. I do not know how to make new friends and discern their expectations of me. I struggled to fit in as I was very studious, with my glasses and acne, and sometimes called a “brownie” (a nickname for someone who is smart and often knows the answers when asked.) I found comfort in the classroom because at recess, I was often alienated when other kids refused to play with me. While I strove to be recognized, seeking love through positive affirmation and good grades, I found myself “playing dumb” in front of others to not stand out.